Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It was a blind-side dick pic.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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