she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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