your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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