dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
