Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
