need another drink. this is the easiest way
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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