I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
