Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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