After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
