And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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