Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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