There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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