Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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