I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
