I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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