I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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