I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
