this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
