We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
