never play flip cup with pint glasses
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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