Screwed.edu
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
