You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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