the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
