dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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