I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
