my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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