there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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