oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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