K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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