Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
