I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
