yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
