ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
