I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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