Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
