you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
