roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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