i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize