nut hugger
she smelled like a LAN party
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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