I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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