so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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