just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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