I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's shark week go big or go home
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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