Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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