oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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