Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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