you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
