walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
