Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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