My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
