she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
