ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
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Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
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Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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