Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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