So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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