maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
