I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.