there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.