I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
