my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i think my mom watched the whole time
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I need water and some morals
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