"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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