honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
