I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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