well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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