you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
