Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
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I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
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my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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